Dear Josiah,
Today I woke in tears with a weight so heavy on my chest it could only mean one thing- it’s your birthday and I miss you.
I still miss you because I still love you.
I felt sad and lonely missing you. But it ended up being an opportunity for God to show his goodness. As I laid in the dark, God whispered a verse over my heart reminding me I am never alone in loving you.
It was a verse from Zephaniah, the prophet to the people of Judah during the rule of King Josiah.
“The Lord your God is with you,
the Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you;
in his love he will no longer rebuke you,
but will rejoice over you with singing.”
the Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you;
in his love he will no longer rebuke you,
but will rejoice over you with singing.”
Zephaniah 3:17
What a gift to a bereaved momma’s heart- to know God is loving you, greatly delighting in you, and rejoicing over your life today too!
Today we may sing “Happy Birthday” to you but God himself is singing over you each and every day. I envision Him breaking out in song over you, joyous with all his heart and soul over you. He is always delighting in you because you are forever His!
We may buy balloons and a cake today but God has already purchased you the ultimate birthday gift- A restored relationship filled not with rebuke but with celebration.
I woke up this morning blessed to be feeling your baby sister kick, just like I did with you 6 years ago. You have five siblings that will not get to grow with you and yet Daddy and I will make sure they know of you. To not talk about you like you never happened is a disservice to them. I believe speaking about you honors God and reminds us of all He’s taught us through your life. Speaking your name pays tribute to the God who refines us in Fire, the God who Sustains us in our suffering, and the God who Heals and delights in us. Our longing for you, is a reflection of how much God loves us and longs to be united with his children.
You still matter to us but how much more so to the God who loves us today, tomorrow, for all eternity, forever and ever. So even though there’s an ache in my heart too deep for words, I join God in rejoicing over you and honoring the precious boy God delights and rejoices in.
Happy 6th birthday my son.
I love you with all I can and I know God loves you more.
To eternity and back,
Momma