There was a day a few months ago when the words of my blog were laid out before me. As I flipped through the pages I was brought to tears. I was overcome with the realization that during those days, God had loved me well by bringing all of you along side me. As I flipped through the pages, I noticed that intermixed with my words, were words and prayers from all of you. There we were, you and I, the body of Christ moving in unity to declare God as good and sovereign in the midst of pain. Page after page of witnesses letting me know I wasn’t alone.
Yesterday I was reminded that God is still using you to be his arms of comfort to me.
I cannot thank you enough for the many ways you remembered Josiah with us. While I know his birthday will forever be a hard day for me, it was so touching to see the tears you shed too.
The anticipation leading up to his birthday was the hardest part. A few days before a friend texted saying she would be praying for us to be comforted and included the verse “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Matthew 5:4
Yesterday we felt so comforted and I whole-heartedly believe it was because of all your prayers. You guys have prayed us through so much and we can always tell when you do. I know its uncomfortable and hard to know what to say but the fact that you go out of your way to say and do something is incredibly appreciated!
I am a gifts person. I never used to tell people this because I felt materialistic. But someone recently explained it to me as a person who simply attaches sentimental meaning on things. Keeping all your gifts and cards reminds me of the ways you have loved me. So when the Fed Ex and florist truck pulled up yesterday or the doorbell rang because you stopped by for a hug or to drop something off, my day was brightened. You showed up in big and little ways and I’m praying prayers of gratitude over you.
Yesterday was a gloomy rainy morning and I loved it. Last year I remember thinking the weather was too “perky” for the mood I was in. This year, the sound of those heavy raindrops reminded me God cries with me and seeks to comfort me. While I know Jesse and I will always mourn our son, it is incredibly difficult to see our children mourn him too. Last night I snuggled a sobbing child to sleep because they “love having a little brother so much and wanted to have two of them.” I hate that their hearts were needlessly broken too.
I’m sure his birthday will look different every year and things will change with time. But I know Jesse and I will always celebrate him in our own way and August 24th will always be a day of
- remembering and honoring Josiah
- thanking God for the gift of Josiah, the gift of redemption and eternity, and His goodness to us
- family time
We asked the kids what they wanted to do this year and it included picking out and making a cake (vanilla versus chocolate will forever be a heated debate) and sending him balloons.
“I wish we had bought more balloons. These aren’t enough to show him how much we love him.” -Jayden
Thank you friends for comforting us yesterday. The word “saints” in the Bible is always plural because we are not here alone. Thank you for journeying with us!
We love you too ♥