Someone pinch me.
I never dreamed I could feel this happy. This full of joy again. He is here and we can’t put him down. Can’t stop looking, snuggling, touching. On August 7, God gave us a little healing we never would’ve experienced without Jonah. Having a healthy rainbow baby has been one of the best experiences of my life. Looking at Jonah fills me with excitement and a joy like spotting a rainbow in the sky. It catches me by surprise and stills me to stop and stare. He makes my heart giddy. My sunshine in a world that has been gray.
♥
In my last post I asked for prayers to carry us through the delivery. We were very anxious to go to the hospital and through the whole birthing experience. But God heard our prayers and He flooded us with his peace that day. Looking back over the week, we can see God was orchestrating Jonah’s delivery according to His plan and not our own.
An ultrasound on Thursday showed a low level of amniotic fluid and I didn’t end up having the amnio procedure as planned. This itself was an answer to prayer. 1. I didn’t want to be poked with that huge needle and 2. We were still unsure about the whole induction at 37weeks thing and were praying for God’s perfect timing. The low fluid level left us with no other option but to induce the next day.
We arrived Friday morning to a very busy L&D. We got a late start on the induction that morning. Jesse and I passed the time by listening to sermons on hope. I shared with the doctor how I was really anxious to feel the pain of labor since I had such a horrific delivery with Josiah. She suggested getting an epidural before labor started. I didn’t even realize you could do that! I got an epidural and waited until 1:30 for the doctor to come in and break my water. Immediately the contractions started and an hour later I had Jesse go get her because I could feel a lot of burning and was worried my epidural was wearing off. The epi was wearing off but Jonah was also crowning and it was time to push. I pushed once and the doctor told me to quick push again and he would be out. I was shocked it was happening so fast. An hour and 18 minutes after my water broke, Jonah Paul was born. A 6 lb and 7 oz beautiful baby boy.
God’s grace covered us that day. Mistakes were made last year during Josiah’s delivery leaving us with a devastating outcome. He was born with an apgar of zero after I endured an excruciating labor and afterbirth. This time God blessed me with a quick and (mostly) pain free labor. Jonah was born with an apgar of 9 and nearly identical weight and length to Josiah. I was hoping for this. That when I held Jonah at birth I would know what it would’ve felt like to hold Josiah then too.
I had specifically been praying Jonah would be born crying and full of life. The memory of Josiah born lifeless, silent, and pale white will never leave me. But God brought Jonah into this world crying with eyes wide open and the brightest, pinkest skin I’d ever seen. I took all this in as he was placed on my chest. As I stared down at him I was overcome with thankfulness. All I could think was that the Lord takes away but he also gives. In that moment He was giving me more than I ever deserved.
Given our history and concern, our doctor had asked a neonatologist to be present at delivery. After I was able to hold and kiss him on my chest, the neonatologist picked him up to examen him. The first words out of his mouth were, “He peed!” Little did he know what music those two words were to our ears. Just last year we dreamed of our little boy being able to pee. We prayed to hear those words. In the first few moments of Jonah’s life God showed us His heart for redemptive love and beauty. Jonah cried and he peed. We’ve learned to take nothing for granted.
Jesse and I feel a huge weight has been lifted from our shoulders. The stress of the past year has taken a toll on us in physical and emotional ways. Our whole family has felt the burden of another pregnancy and now we are able to breath a sigh of relief. I love seeing Jesse’s smile again. Seeing him so happy is just proof that when you are in the will of God, nothing is more beautiful.
Jayden was nervous to come to the hospital and see his brother. He had been cautiously expecting him not knowing if we would actually be keeping this baby. Once he realized Jonah was here to stay you could see his relief. In the days since, he has become completely enamored with his brother. He’s always checking on him, holding him, singing to him. When Jonah was left sleeping in his room for the first time today, Jayden panicked wondering where he was. One morning when he was holding Jonah he looked up at me and said, “I feel so happy. He makes me smile really big.”
Savannah was all smiles the moment she walked into the room and laid eyes on him. It’s no secret she is happy to have him home. The first time she saw Jonah open his eyes she ecstatically exclaimed, “He’s not going to die ever!” Her prayers have been answered.
I cannot end this post without a huge thank you for the support you have given us. From hospital visits to meals, you’ve been so wonderful. Your encouragement is appreciated and we will not forget the ways you have loved on us.
Also a special thank you to my parents. You are always there when we need you. I can’t even list everything we are thankful for because you do so much! There is no one else like you.
One More Prayer Request:
You prayed peace upon us last week and God provided. I’m asking you to continue those prayers this week. On Monday, August 24th Josiah would be turning one. The pain of this is so deep the thought of it takes my breath away. I wish I could just disappear for the day. We don’t feel like celebrating this year. Even though we are experiencing so much joy recently, we are still mourning Josiah deeply and in a whole new way. Jonah has been a very real and tangible reminder of all that was taken from us. The newborn coos and stretches. The sleepy smiles and snuggles. We look at our son and wonder how we ever survived saying good-bye to his brother. Josiah is missed daily and sometimes in the most mundane activities. But something about his birthday is especially painful. Please pray for us.